Please don’t compliment my strength!
Do I sound ungrateful? Please let me explain. I hear the compliment, and I fully understand what you mean by it and I’m fully appreciative. But, you see for me strength is not a choice but a necessity, and I know it’s a good attribute to possess and be able to use, but know with it comes high expectations, from self and from others. With it comes assumed responsibility, of self and others, and every time you tell me how strong I am you remind me of all those responsibilities and expectations. Shhh, come here, can you keep a secret? I’m not super-human…
“My strength comes from my tears”
I’m a self-confessed cry baby – no seriously! I cry for ever-ry-ting! Lol. Maybe not in front of the world, but trust me, crying is the only way I know how (Now). I don’t know where it came from, but I think it was a lot to do with being the eldest, and feeling the need to be extra strong for my siblings, so crying wasn’t the way. I worked out from an early age that if they looked at me and I was somewhat ok, they felt reassured-safe. So I remained strong, for them because that’s what they needed, and that’s what my children need now.
There’s this thing about appearing weak, especially when everyone just assumes you can deal with it. I’ve had people praise me for going through things that I’ve been through and still remain the bubbly, crazy, positive happy person that I still am. Truth is, I had to shed a lot of tears to get there, and there was a time I hated the fact that I cried so much, but now I embrace them!! They are my outlet, my release, motivate me to do something, by questioning myself as to why they are there and deciding what to do about them – my main coping mechanism!
I never make the assumption that everyone feels the same as me, so can I set you a challenge? It doesn’t matter if you’re reading this post on the day it was published or months later. We all have at least one person in our lives that we automatically refer to as the ‘strong one’. I mean, take a moment to actually visualise that person, when was the last time you asked them if they’re ok, like really ok? Or complimented them on something other than how strong they are? When was the last time you reminded them of something they did well other than being strong? Can I challenge you to do that today? Would you tell me the outcome? Was it the same as when you reminded them of how strong they are or was it a look of surprise?
On the flip side, often we tell ourselves that we’re not as strong as such and such, because of whatever reason. Not true. We all have our own battles to fight, do not measure up or compare them to others. I’ve seen people go through things I wouldn’t even want to imagine and come out the other end, some way somehow. So my other challenge is to recognise your own strengths. Acknowledge them. Not to forget your all-important coping mechanisms – they don’t make you weak, they make you STRONG.
I am DSY 