“When I’m uncomfortable, I know growth is occurring”

By the time I got to 30 I was supposed to have it all sorted, of course I knew there would still be things to work on making better, but in general I was supposed to have my life together. Or so I told myself! – Thing is by the time I was I was 20, I was almost there! Married, a beautiful child, and although I had lost a well-paid job I was running my own business. Driving my own car – not on HP, and had the opportunity to buy my property as it wasn’t privately rented. Then BAM!!! Everything started falling apart just like that! And I was not ready or prepared, in any way shape or form. What had I become? A failure that’s what! In my own opinion of course, I knew this opinion had to change, and I knew I was the only one to do it. I’ve been on this new journey ever since, attempting to rebuild my life bit by bit.

I don’t think anyone knew how much I was affected by all that had happened. I clearly remember seeing my 30^th in, sitting at a breakfast table in Morocco, with 3 of my nearest and dearest and bursting into tears! No, I was not sad. I was relieved. I got to 30, not achieving many of the things I told myself I had to by this time, but yet here I was, alive, well, loved and most of all grateful. (Although I started a list already, this moment highly influenced my very unorthodox 30 for 30 things to do list. Maybe I’ll be brave enough to publish these at a later date… lol!). I also knew it was time, time to acknowledge different aspects of my life and the pressures I put on myself and why… relationships, both intimate and platonic,  my career goals, dreams and plans, oh and of course my ‘daddy issues’. All of which will no doubt be touched on in future posts…

*Sometimes you need to take a moment to not focus on how far you still have to go, but appreciate how far you’ve come, the achievement’s that you have made how hard you have worked to get to the point you’re at. Realise the pressures that are self-inflicted yet sometimes unimportant*

So in a nutshell. Chapter 30, (one of the most memorable chapters in my life to date) has been about coming out my comfort zone, being honest with myself, challenging myself, my views, my opinions and my beliefs. Growing and evolving. Blogging will be a major part in this, (would you believe me if I told you that I wanted to write a biography?) bearing parts of me and my thoughts on the WWW, vulnerable, uncomfortable, and fully open to different opinions and criticisms from people I do and possibly do not know. I’ve been questioning whether or not it’s too soon to log things that have happened this year, whether I’m brave enough to log different issues in general. Lots of people know of me, but very few know me or my story. Will people I know be shocked or disappointed? Will I be judged? And so it begins… first blog, published!