I woke up this morning, took and deep breath out, and shed a few tears… A short moment of gratitude and to tell myself how proud I am of me. Something I don’t do often at all.
It’s not either of the children’s first day at school today however it is the first day of the week, for both of their “beginning” of new journey’s, and maybe that’s why it felt so overwhelming today. Year eleven and year seven, two big years in secondary education. Of course this week is about them, but I’d be lying if I said that this is what was in my thoughts when I woke this morning.
Selfishly, maybe? It was about the journey, my journey, me. A feeling of “I’ve got them this far, despite it all”. Despite the challenges, the constant tiredness, the self-doubt and the learning as I go along. And then, the knowing, that as much as it’s a new era we still have so far to go.
The relationships with their father’s didn’t work out as planned, the village hasn’t “villaged” how I envisioned it would, and we have had to navigate our way around what family means, looks and feels like in our own way. What we are creating is uniquely beautiful and I hope that’s how they remember it to be when they look back.
So hard not to think about and plan the future, but humbled enough by life to know that I need to remain present, to enjoy it for what it is and make it as great as possible.
Dx
I am DSY 